Does This Look Like A Letter You Would Write?

How can I seek to know You BETTER or MORE, G-d, when I don’t truly know You at all? Shouldn’t I first get to know who You are by what You say about Yourself? Shouldn’t I spend time with You and listen to You? I need to hear the Truth about how my sins separate me from You and that’s why it seems You are far away. I need to be told and to understand that my sins which deserve death were paid for by Your Son Jesus. And that’s why it is only through Him that I can have a path to You. He bridged the gap that separated us. And I need to know it is Holy Spirit that convicts me so that I can run to You to ask and receive forgiveness, instead of running away from my guilt. I hear people who claim to know You speak about You, but in a way that is high and lofty and often doesn’t speak to me and help me to know or understand You or Your ways. They talk about You, say Your name often and sing to You but I feel left out because they don’t really help me to know You. I see people making apparently joyful noises and dancing, but is it just for the moment? Will it help them in times of trouble? Have they really yet given their lives to You? Will it help them to trust You in a way that fosters and nourishes a relationship? True, Your house is a sanctuary and a place of refuge. But what happens when I’m out in the world? Will I feel safe in Your presence there? Is there anything to the foundation of our relationship besides “feelings” and “emotions”? They come and go, and are up and down. They are unstable. They are shallow. Even though I sometimes associate these with You or make me run to You, are these to be all we share together? I know they mean well and want good things for me, but it isn’t really teaching me what I need to know about You. They sometimes seem to be superficial, or at least I perceive it that way. Why? Because, for all the singing and dancing and teaching. It just doesn’t resonate inside me. It doesn’t connect me to You in a way that’s real and heartfelt. I leave there feeling as if You weren’t there, although it looks quite different for everybody else. It’s like coming to Your house for Your birthday party where everyone is there because it’s for You and about You. There are gifts, cake, music, singing, laughing and ice cream. But I didn’t see or hear You there. Where were You? Did everyone else see you, but I missed You? Was it all a mirage? It shouldn’t be this way. I came to see You, to hear Your voice, to celebrate YOU. It was like, amidst all of the “noise,” I sat alone wanting to hear You speak to me and teach me about You and Your ways—even if it was correction or discipline. After all, I don’t come to Your house and spend time with You just so You can make me feel good and meet all of my needs. That’s me using You; that’s not a relationship. That’s not love. What do You get out of that? (Not that I really have anything to give You.) I really do love You! And I want to love You more. I want to be more like You. I have so much to learn from and about You. Please help me to be who You created me to be. Let people see some of You in me because I have been with You and You are good! Thank You for letting me share this with You and for letting me get this off my chest. It’s so good to know that we can talk to each other and that You listen to me and that I can call You anytime. Thank You. I know You don’t need me for anything, but You sought me out anyway because You knew I needed You. I am so grateful and I love You! What are You asking of me today? What can I do to show You I love You? Thank You for leading me beside literal still waters today. Thank You for refreshing my soul. I can now honestly say we spent time together and I am all the richer for my time with You. Through the joyful tears in my eyes, I can’t wait until every day is like this. I love You SO much! I am not deserving of Your love and friendship but, since You are offering, have done everything to make it all possible, and I need it so badly, I gladly and gratefully receive it! Thank You.